The peace hasn’t come easy; it has come after some extreme lows, but that was my wake-up call. I made a deal with myself: if I survived being laid up in the ER for 6 days with multiple complications, I would stop pretending everything was okay and address my issues. I would live life differently with maximum effort first and foremost for myself but also just as importantly for my family, the people who never quit believing in me, and all the people that are also suffering silently.

I didn’t return back to the game necessarily because I missed swinging the club but realized how great of an outlet it was during my recovery, partly to have something to focus on, partly because I missed competing, which I have done my whole life, and also because I have unfinished business with this incredible game. I am a dad, husband, and recovering addict who is still working through his past but doing it in front of the public without excuses and no fake highlight reel of my life, even though I clearly have made some regrettable decisions. 

I learned in REHAB through treatment what works for me: addressing my issues, although messy and maybe uncomfortable for some, to talk about the realities of addiction and mental health issues. There is something therapeutic when I get to talk about my issues, especially when I know it is helping others that are carrying different but similar burdens.

This site represents my rehabilitation through and honest self-assessment. It’s about the fight to get 1% better when life feels heavy.  It’s about knowing you don’t have to be perfect to change your story but to commit and be willing to start over. If my failures as a person and my fight to better myself and my family’s life will help one person stand back up this time, it has been worth it.